I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
