I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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