so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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