So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There r osticjed everywhere
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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