I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
