yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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