After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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