I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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