ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We got so high we made milksteak
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
