Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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