remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
