If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
