I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
