Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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