she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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