i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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