You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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