im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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