girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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