who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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