i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You made out with two different species that night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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