We won't sleep together?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
