Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
