so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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