I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
