these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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