It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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