no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
