Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found the puke drawer
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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