just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
