YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
