How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
