Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
