I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
