either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
