Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
