Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
