My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
