if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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