you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
a search helicopter?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I will pee on everything he values.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
