his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
