so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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