I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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