I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
