smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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