He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
