I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
