Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
