You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
