the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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