That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
