Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
