My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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